-LRB- CNN -RRB- It was a very telling mini-scandal , the faux-fury over Michelle Obama 's short visit to Saudi Arabia .

First there was the phony claim that Saudi television had blurred the first lady 's image in its transmission of the Obamas ' condolence call on the kingdom . Then came the kerfuffle over her outfit . Was she insensitive in not wearing a headscarf ? Should she had worn black ? Then , finally , we heard the questions about whether she committed an etiquette no-no when she shook hands with the new Saudi monarch , King Salman .

None of these accusations and claims amount to much on their own . But there is a reason , a very good reason , why social media turned its attention sharply toward Michelle Obama in Saudi Arabia .

The presence of an American first lady on Saudi territory embodies the intense unease that surrounds U.S. and Western relations with the Saudi kingdom . Saudi Arabians can be the most hospitable people in the world , and they are friends of the United States . But all is not well with the relationship .

The spectacle of American and European leaders lavishly praising and courting the Saudi royals is a most unsettling one . U.S.-Saudi relations present a profound moral dilemma for America . They constitute a classic example of the tough choices a nation faces when its ideals clash with its interests .

The United States wants to have good relations with Saudi Arabia , not only because it has a lot of oil , but because it is one of the most powerful countries in the Middle East and the two countries share many strategic goals . The U.S. needs Saudi Arabia -- and Saudi Arabia needs the U.S. .

At the same time , many of Saudi Arabia 's practices stand in direct violation of America 's -- and the world 's -- most cherished values .

Values or interests : that is the question .

Let 's now put an end to the discussion about Michelle Obama . She did absolutely nothing wrong . In fact , the claim that her attire and performance created a firestorm in Saudi Arabia is plainly false . By some counts , there were some 1,500 tweets with the Arabic hashtag #ميشيل_أوباما_سفور , which means roughly #Michelle_Obama_Unveiled . That is hardly a Twitterstorm , considering that Saudi Arabia has more than 5 million Twitter users .

Second , the first lady followed protocol . Saudi law does not require foreign visitors to wear a hijab , the Muslim headscarf . This was no protocol breach , and it was also not an unusually courageous move on her part . Countless prominent women have appeared in public meeting Saudi royals without wearing headscarves . We 've seen Hillary Clinton , Laura Bush , Angela Merkel , among others , visit the kingdom in Western attire .

Finally , that handshake : The King would not have shaken hands with Michelle Obama if he had not wanted to do so . In fact , we saw an endless parade of dignitaries shake the President 's hand and walk right past the first lady , bluntly , rudely , ignoring her . That is a breach of etiquette . But it was not committed by the first lady or by King Salman .

So it looks like this is the scandal that was n't . A non-tempest , if you will . But there was a teapot .

The story made headlines because people in the United States and in the West feel a scandal in the relationship , because much of what goes on in Saudi Arabia is an affront not just to Western principles but to human rights conventions endorsed by most of the world . And some of the most egregious violations of those values are perpetrated against Saudi women .

For decades Saudi women have protested the indefensible rule that bans them from driving , making Saudi Arabia the only country in the world with such a ban .

A Saudi woman is required to have a male relative as a `` guardian '' who must approve her travel and other key decisions in her life .

Saudi women are required to wear the abaya , a head-to-toe cover , and many wear a niqab , which covers the face . The fact that they dress differently is not in itself a rights violation , but the fact that they have no choice in the matter is .

Saudi women , who are intelligent , strong , competent , mature , capable of making decision for themselves as well as any Saudi man , are treated in many cases as if they were children .

But it 's not just women whose rights , as defined by international standards , are violated . There is no freedom of religion in the kingdom , where everyone by law must be a Muslim and the public practice of other religions is forbidden . And freedom of expression is severely restricted .

Blogger Raif Badawi , who sought to promote a discussion about social and religious issues on his website , was sentenced to 1,000 lashes for `` insulting Islam , '' and showing disobedience . He suffered the first 50 lashes a few weeks ago , and the international outcry , combined with the toll it took on his health , led the government to put the rest of the sentence on hold .

Then there are the public beheadings after questionable legal proceedings . Already 16 people have been beheaded this year . There were 87 such punishments last year .

So what is the United States to do ? Cooperation with Saudi Arabia is crucial in restoring stability to the Middle East , in fighting ISIS and other terrorist groups , in keeping oil prices low to pressure Iran and Russia , and in a number of other high-priority items on the world 's agenda .

The answer is a frustrating balance of realism and idealism . The answer requires acknowledging -- in private and in public , as Hillary Clinton has done -- that we find some of their practices unacceptable , along with an open and unapologetic defense of the principles of equality and basic freedoms .

The United States can not sever relations with Riyadh , and the truth is that it can not force the Saudis to change , but keeping quiet on the matter is an unseemly capitulation .

A condolence call was not the time for public criticism , and Michelle Obama 's presence in Riyadh was a meaningful sign that the United States believes women belong in the public sphere . The scandal was a sign of the frustration people feel with this ethical dilemma .

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Frida Ghitis : Michelle Obama 's not wearing headscarf in Saudi Arabia is a faux-scandal

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Kerfuffle really shows U.S. ethical dilemma in dealing with a repressive regime , she says